The Unique Technique And Skill of Pure MF Torture
by REn cI ShA ShoU. Mercy-Killer
Summary: MercyFul Fear, torture, random people, and peanut butter advocates. See who is tortured, and give a name for her to come knocking at their door.
1. Edward Cullen

Ode to The Joy of Annoying Edward Cullen With MercyFul Fear

"MercyFul want some candy?"Lythia said pulling out her secret stash of candy from all her trick-or-treating, Valentine's and other candy giving days.

"Yes! Yes yes yes! Candy candy candy! Gimme, gimme!!!"MercyFul Fear grabbed a handful of candy,pealed and stuffed the candy in her mouth faster then any speeding bullet.

"MercyFul we got to go to the weekly-MercyFul! What are you eating?"Mademise asked seeing MercyFul with a mouth full of colorful something.

"Kwaandy."MercyFul said careful not to spit her sweets.

"Who gave it to you, but no not who...Shouldn't you know better?"Mademise said stepping closer anger very clear on her face.

"Wnope, mwee wimwresponsible."MercyFul said grinning the best she could.

"I'm sorry I gave her candy." Lythia said blinking her eyes sighed and plumped on the couch.

"Just watch her in a few seconds she will be more mad then before. If that is possible."Mademise said as MercyFul started to vibrate almost.

"Hehehehehehe! Edward Cullen looks so sullen, Skulduggery Pleasant has an ego and Artemis Fowl is so wow! Skulduggery Pleasant and Artemis Fowl are so smart and awesomely cool, when they walks I drool!"MercyFul started to sing."Valkyrie Cain isn't at all lame, Lady Gaga is insane and Bella Swan is so blach! Ghastly Bespoke is buff, Tanith Low kicks but and Crux sucks! Johnny Deep is hot, Teletubies is on and Barney is here with a chain saw!Dimitri Belivok is my gaurd what a sweet heart, Rose Hathaway get out of my way and Rosaline Cullen is a tard! Jack Skellington is awesome, Stephen King is death and Steven Spielberg is whoa! Tim Burton rules, Sally is put together and I only say to them 'What ever! Lala la la duh duh duh duh la mu mu ma ma la la thi thu la la lu la mama lal al aal. Dudaduda du da du tum tum tumity tum. Heheheheh! Fanfiction is so fun but everyone acts like I'm dumb, no reviews and writer's block kill me swiftly! I don't like Taylor Swifty and she is pretty shifty! Cheater and a bad influence! Tumity tum tum, lal al alala! Bad romance, pup pup pokerface! Muma muma! I want your ugly I want your disease! Pap pap papparazi! Will Smith was in I,robot, Shia Lebouf and Megan Fox were in Transformers! I got a crush on Bumblebee, Imma Be Imma Be by the Black Eyed Peas! B-A-R-B-I-E barbie girl! Isn't fantastic we're made out of plastic, come on Barbie let's have a vodka party! Rihianna is crazy, Kanye West doesn't like Taylor Swift! Lady Gaga and Ludacris should be cool, Skulduggery I dyed your cloth neon blue! Blah blah blah with your blah blah blah! I get up in the morning feeling like P Diddy going to hit the city and brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack because tonight I'm not coming back! Tick tock by Kesha and Blah blah blah!I cracked the code to Artemis Fowl with only the first book, so don't take a second look! Twilight sucks, and I told you the name to the duck! Fletcher Renn your annoying and a moron! Hey soul sister when you-ooh Disturbia darkness into light-This is Halloween this is Halloween! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut Butter jelly time! You make me better,faster,stronger,better! I've been traveling on this road so long-All the single ladies all the singel ladies!Let me transfomer ya, into a cadilac and back! Wasted, I don't wear jeans like the white boy but I get wasted like the white boy! Woman lie men lie woman lie men lie! Shortys like a melody-everyone is looking for love isn't the reason your at this club! Baby baby baby ooh baby baby baby ooh- I tell you one time! I'm only going to br-bre-break break your heart!'"MercyFul started to scream and run around the house.

"Don't be so surprised."Mademise said dully when she saw the face on Lythia.

"No she's fine."Lythia said twitching when she heard a big clash of metal in the kitchen.

"I want peanut butter! But all you have is jelly! This is unfair!" MercyFul screamed loudly,throwing everything in the fridge on the floor."Fletcher front and center!"MercyFul screamed and in seconds,being very scared of her,he was right infront of her. She calmed herself a little.

"Yes Master Fear?"Fletcher said wearing his butler addressed cloths.

"You do know that Flaring told you to wear that around her, but not me okay so take them off."MercyFul demanded, he started to take them off right then and there."Fletcher not here in your room!"

"Right Master Fear, straight away."He teleported and then came back in casuall dress.

"Much better now take me somewhere." He stood there."Now!"She yelled.

"Where?"He asked dumb foundedly.

"Any where with peanut butter, now mush!"MercyFul screamed. "And get my coat."He left for awhile.

"He's not coming back. I should know I'm his bloody girlfriend."Lythia pointed out entering the room.

"How do you get him to do things for you? I mean he is a teleporter."Mademise said walking in behind Lythia.

"He can't hide from me.I always know where he is. Right now he's in the w.c."MercyFul said sitting on an upside down chair.

"I'm not going to ask what that is."Flaring said popping her head through the window and climbing through.

"Well you can if you want, not everyone knows. Anyway...I'm bored. Where's Skulduggery? I want more candy. Where's the peanut butter?"Then Fletcher popped out of no his hands he had MercyFul's 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' jacket. MercyFul smiled sweetly and kissed him on the cheek. Fletcher not expecting that,blushed a deep red matching the black lip stick nicely. Lythia scoffed and left the opened her mouth to say something but he interrupted.

"Why did you do that?"He asked really laughed at how his face was and put on her jacket.

"I was going to say thanks..." MercyFul looked back to where everyone was, all of them left, she tilted her head in confusion with some of her calmer side. But eventually the sugar broke through." Take me some where now!" Fletcher grabbed her arm like an escort and gave her an confused look.

"I still don't know where you want to go."Fletcher said in a slight panic.

"Just get me into a super market, in the peanut butter aile and then you can leave me any random place you want."

"Sounds fun."He said sarcasticly.

After all that he left her in a dark forest...

* * *

"Aah, I want peanut butter!!!!"MercyFul Fear screamed inside the house of the Cullens, yes she picked the lock.

"Who are you and what are you doing in my kitchen?"Edward Cullen asked staring at her with wide eyes.

"I want peanut butter now or I will put Stewart on you!!"MercyFul screamed slamming an expensive vase on the floor.

"I'll get you your peanut butter...if you tell me who you are."He tensed sensing there was something a tad wrong with this girl. He read her thoughts and decided that there must be some sarcastic classroom full of kids in her head, they all really wanted out.

"MercyFul Fear duh! Now go get me some peanut butter!"MercyFul said crossing her arms.

"I don't have any, so I'll have to get some one to go get it for you."Edward said slowly walking out the kitchen.

"Your on the jelly's side aren't you?You racist white dude!"She screamed angerly and then brightened pulling something out of her purse. A flashlight. "Do you sparkel with any light or just the sun? Hehehehe! Sparkel...sparkely shinny!" She flicked on and off the light on Edward who by the way was looking like a firework but without the explosions."Explode...explode now or I'll chain Fletcher to you!" She screamed jumping up and down.

"Explode?! I can't do that!" Edward said now a littel scared.

"Fine don't but I'll still chain you to Fletcher!"

"Who's Fletcher?"Edward asked trying to step out the door but she followed close behind.

"Like the last and only teleporter in the world! Your a vampire and are from the magical world and you don't know this yourself? How we can control the elements and sense past deaths and have any other kind of power?" She asked still flicking on and off the light. The battery gave and she screamed in angush. Suddenly there was a flashlight hurling toward Edward but he ducked.

"Your a crazy lunatic!" Edward said before making a run for it. MercyFul smiled as he left, that was the same direction she crashed his new Viper. MercyFul ran all over the house looking through things, eating what ever they had and painting 'Blood Suckers' with red paint on their walls.

"MercFul Fear, where are you? See Lythia, I told you that you shouldn't have given her candy! She gets too hyper on even the smell of sugar!"Mademise Morte said walking into the door with Lythia Harpen and many others in a large stay together kind of search party.

"Sssssttttteeewwwaarrrrtttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!"A shrill scream from up stairs caught everyone's attention."I want peanut butter!!"

"Twin!? Where are you? What happened?"Mademise shouted running up the stairs everyone of course stayed down stairs. When they explored the rest of the house everything was is shambels. Broken glass, thrown around food and turned over furniture.

Up stairs...

"Nooo...... Juliet was cheating on him with Alexander! This is a tragedy!"MercyFul screamed, Mademise put a hand on her shoulder.

"Its okay Stewart is a hard nut I'll bet he'll lick this right quick."Mademise said which only made her cry even more. Mademise sighed and walked out the closet in which she found MercyFul.

"I need peanut butter."Was all MercyFul said looking down at the green mechnical pencil in her hand. Mademise pulled at her hands and tried to get her out the closet.

"Come on before all the Cullens come back, then we'll have 'Breaking Dawn' all over again."Mademise said trying her best to sound calm. But if this kept on , well there was no telling as to where MercyFul's action would lead them.

"Mademise we've got to go , the Cullens are on their way."Skulduggery Skellington yelled from down stairs which caused Mademise to turn and gave an opportunity for MercyFul to make a break for it.

"I will convert Edward Cullen into a peanut butter advocate!" She yelled as Mademise ran after her.

"That's my twin alright."Mademise gave up chasing her and looked sheepishly at the whole search party."New mission: Convert Edward Cullen into a peanut butter advocate." Everyone shock their heads and agreed.


	2. Edward Cullen 2

"There you are darling, why have you been hiding?"MercyFul Fear said in a sweet seductive Russian accent, a horribly horrid grin of evil on her face.

"How did you find me?" Edward Cullen said fear only a slightly etched feature on his pale face, none the less this girl was to be reckoned with.

"I have a special gift persay to convert others to my side if they need....the convincing." MercyFul said walking slowly around him in a dangerous snake like stance.

"What do you want from me?"

"Nothing of such interest but I do want to know what you know. Will you comply or shall there be force involved with this little quid pro quo? Perhaps your lovely Bella Swan should be involved in this?"She said with a hint of vendetta at the tip of her speech all for-for.

"I shall comply." He said hanging his head down in defeat, his fear now the 'MercyFul Fear' brand, the worst kind around. She pursed her lips into a thin line and walked toward him in a slightly bitter silence.

"And yet there is no way to trust you vampire boy... of course now I will have to use force-just in case you try something."She said smiling more to herself then anyone else. Suddenly his was in a small room, a small white walled room. He felt the sudden sadness of solitary confinment. Something everyone fears even if you didn't know it.

" I have reason to believe you don't understand the principle of the 'Committees' do you?" She asked suddenly behind him, her breathe mocking his blood craving. He turned to run but the nuclear bonds held him to a blood red chair.

"No I have no idea as to what your talking about." He said innocently, she didn't fall for it, not even for a milli-second. Then that's when she pulled out a tub of peanut butter and chocolate.(Where she got it I don't know.)

"Let me go and I'll tell you everything." He said not knowing what was coming next.

"You have lied to me once and that is enough to loose my respect and then my patience, not to mention my time."She scolded the vampire boy."You will tell me what you know,( I know sooo cliche for a Russian female that is evil or something. No offense you guys and gals.) and you will live with your precious human, but there is another condition as well as the first." She said testly.

"What ever you want I'll do it, just don't hurt Bella."

"You'll need to do me a little favor, it involves some scaring."She said licking her teeth.

"Scare? Who could I possible scare that needs to be scared by me? Can't you scare them?"Suddenly he shut his mouth.

"Let's just say I'm a little friendly with the person I want to scare. I can't loose thier trust now. I need to do some...you can say business before I decide to potray them."She said running a hand through her curly dark brown hair. Then stuffed all the sweets down the vampire's mouth, she didn't trust him yet.

* * *

"Skulduggery?"MercyFul Fear said jumping into his lap, he was reading a large book on Angels.

"What is it Fear?"He asked bluntly.

"Do you have any peanut butter?"She asked looking around for any witnesses.

"No I don't.....Why are you blushing?"He asked seeing her stare at him.

"Nnno I didn't eat your fish! Ask Fletcher if he has any yellow paint."She said suddenly feeling watched.

"Your very odd. Have you seen Valkyrie?I need to tell her something." He asked placing the book down.

"Does it involve a confession of love?"She asked ready for the wrong answer.

"What are you talking about? I was going to ask how I ended up with you living at my house."She sighed, that was the wrong answer.

"Tell me if Freddy wants to go out with me."She said nocking Skulduggery out cold.

* * *

"Valkyrie?" Mademise asked jumping into some ones lap.

"What is it Morte?"Valkyrie Cain asked bluntly reading a book an Angels.

"Do you have any peanut butter?"Mademise asked.

(You can guess what happens so on with the story,)

* * *

"I got her MercyFul where do we meet?"Mademise asked an the other end of a cell phone.

"Lets set this up forest style. The Black Hills for sure, take Fletcher."MercyFul said smiling only a hint in her voice.

* * *

"Skulduggery where are we?"Valkyrie Cain asked him as soon as he woke from being out cold, he didn't remember anything. She didn't either.

"I don't know."Skulduggery Pleasant said for the first time. That was history right there.

"Skulduggery Pleasant?"A voice came out of no where.

"Who's there?" They both asked at the same Valkyrie wasn't at his side.

"Just here to take her."It replied, Skulduggery followed the gust of sudden wind.

"Give her back!" He yelled.

"Not until you confess your love for her. Appreciate her love for you."The voice said.

"Vampire. That's it your a vampire. Who sent you?"Skulduggery asked.

"God and fate, some mercy also."It said. Then there was silence.

"I love her alright...I love her soo much that it hurts when she is gone even for the slightest time."He confessed, Valkyrie heard.

"Very well." Suddenly Valkyrie was hugging him, the voice now gone.

"I love you too Skulduggery."She said.

"I love you more then you will ever know." He said and then for the first time he kissed her, they stood for happiness in the world.

* * *

"So Edwardo, who do you stand in this world for?"MercyFul Fear asked standing infront of him, the whole fanfiction gang behind her.

"Peanut butter." He said proudly, the sweets were mind controls.

"Why?"Mademise asked.

"Its stand for freedom, individuality. Life and fate, everything being alive stands for."Everyone nodded at his answer.

"Mission complete: Next Mission. Taylor Swift."MercyFul said smiling a mile high.

* * *

**You guys have any ideas as to who else should be tortured? Reviews welcomed by my pencil Armendy.**


	3. Artemis Fowl

_**This was a request, you know who you are!**_

"We got a request Mercy."Flaring Rythym said to MercyFul Fear.

"Oh really, who they want tortured and who's request?"MercyFul Fear responded.

"Artemis Fowl and it was by Basic-bookworm."Flaring said giving a print of the review.

"Well this is going to be fun."MercyFul said smiling at the request, the first for her new business.

Why is there a person banging at the front door? Butler would have gotten it by now-oh there he opened it. I wonder who could be? "Butler? Who is it?"Artemis Fowl asked yelling to his best friend, body guard, Butler, his butler.

"Master Artemis its a girl saying she knows you. Her names is- what it is your name?"Butler asked the curly brown haired girl trying to twist away from him, luggauge in her hands. Butler checked them for dangerous things with his other hand.

"MercyFul Fear duh."She replied.

"MercyFul Fear? You know her Artemis?What an odd name."Butler said ushering or rather dragging her to Artemis's room.

"I've heard of her, but why would she be-"Suddenly MercyFul back flipped Butler, grabbing her bags.

"I'm moving in Arty and you can't stop me."She said breaking down his door and putting her bags in a corner.

"Why are you- how did you break down the door?"Artemis asked bewildered, that was reinforced steal ,he thought.

"Magick duh."MercyFul said sitting on his bed, where he was right now with his laptop.

"Magic? You mean the fairy kind?"He asked.

"No magick, the human being kind."She said trying to take a peak at him while he wrote in his dairy.

"Oh well, it was bound to be."He said typing again.

"So what do you want to do first?'MercyFul asked.

"Uh-"

"Checkers it is."She closed his laptop.

"But I will surely beat you."

"We will see."

2 hours 23 minutes 10 seconds later....

"How did you beat me?"Artemis asked dazed.

"I have a brain and tactics duh."She answered.

"I take that as a challenge."

"What do you have in mind Arty?'

5 hours 16 minutes 21 seconds later....

"You beat me at every mind and tactical game there is, how?"He asked.

"Your piont?'She asked.

"How? There must be one thing I can beat you at."

"Not a chance Arty. Now get some sleep."She said plopping down on his bed, he gave her a confusing stare.

"Go to sleep or Stewart will kill you."She warned.

"Who is this Stewart?"

"My killer pencil."She replied plainly.

"That's im-"

"Shut up and go to sleep."A voice said coming from her pocket. He knew that it wasn't a trick.

"Good night." He said falling asleep automatically. She giggeled and snuggeled up to him.

30 minutes later....

"Arty? Arty. Arty. Arty. Arty. Arty. Arty .Arty. Arty. Arty. Arty. Arty. Arty."

"What?"

"Hi."

"That is all?"He asked but she was already asleep.

30 minutes later...

"Arty. . Arty. Arty. Arty. Arty. Arty .Arty. Arty. Arty. Arty. Arty. Arty."

"What? Are you going to say hi again?"

"No. Hello."

"Oh come one."


	4. Bella Swan

Crash. Bella Swan heard it from her kitchen. So she went to check it out. Sitting on the floor beside her upside down fridge was a girl eating peanut butter.

"What are you doing?"I asked the strange girl.

"Eating peanut butter, why?"The girl said.

"Why mine?"

"Because I ran out duh."

"Who are you?"

"MercyFul Fear duh."

"I am Bell-"

"Yeah yeah, Bella Swan girlfriend to Edward Cullen."

"You know me?"

"No duh."MercyFul said eating her peanut butter, and giving me a menacing look.

"What?"

"You have any more?"

"In the pantry."MercyFul threw the empty jar away like nothing and went for the pantry.

"I'm bored."She said eating through the peanut butter even faster then the last. I was afraid to know what happens when she runs out.

"What am I supposed to do?"I said looking around to see my front door blown to bits."You blew up my door?"

"No duh. Does it look like I used a glow in the dark goat?"

"No."

"Well then."She said throwing the jar away.

"Umm..."

"Get me more peanut butter."

"From where?"

"The store duh."

30 minutes later...

"You made me buy you 30 jars of peanut butter but you still want more?"

"Your piont?"

"Nothing."

"Well get me more."

"Ugh fine."

30 minutes later...

"They have no more! This is the end of the world!"She said punching my T.V.

"It is not."

"Is too."She screamed now throwing the tele through a window.

15 minutes later...

"You set my house on fire!"

"Your piont?"

"I'll call Ed-"

"No I already got rid of him."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Weirdo."

"Well that's so nice."

"Normal drama queen."I said trying to make her mad.

"What did you say?"

15 minutes later...

"Help! Help! She chained me to a tree."Then Edward Cullen showed up.

"Who did this, was it MercyFul?"

"Yes."

"Oh."He said leaving, being very scared of that girl.


	5. The Vampire Academy Gang

Rose Hathaway was not used to the very odd behavior Dimitri Belivok was radiating. This all caused by some random stranger who has more spirtual power than even Lissa. Rose continued to stare at her mentor and lover run around a historic fountain, in the nude.

"How did this happen?" She asked herself aloud.

(FlashBack)

A shady girl sat at the back of the class, hair so green you'd think she was grass. She wasn't normal, you could tell, but she wasn't weird either. Nope she was just something else.

Her mother once told her that her great great grandparents started a family in shame, all against a society of vampyres. They were a part of it, until they fell into forbidden love. Eventually they ran away, never to be seen again. And in thus caused her generation, her alone, to have extrodinary powers. She loved these powers, they were a part of her. No one knew of her exsistance but the spirits she had the ability to see. How she came to be so was supposed to be a impossiblity, but it still happened. She had the power of spirit.

Once day, while walking amoung the graves of many, a spirit came to her in great anguish.

"You must help me."The spirit said, her white form kissing the ground.

"Who are you?" She asked, trying to first be aware of who this was.

"I am Xelia Fear." Her mouth dropped, the name so so familiar.

"You're my...my great great grandmother." The spirit tilted her head in curiousity.

"Yes...you look like my Evislixia. My granddaughter...she looked just like me...I guess you grew up to look like us. What is your name?"

"My name is Mercy. Mercy Fear."

DonDon Dannnnnn...Cliffy. Ha. Review. And yes Skulduggery is in it. Gosh Mady.


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